Finding a Purpose

You could describe a trip like mine as being a tourist for 10 months, and that wouldn't be too far from the truth. But because a 10 month vacation sounds rich and lazy, I've been trying to find some excuse so I can say I got more out of my time than simply sightseeing.

The fruit of my labour is a "3 steps to success" plan. I've worked hard at this so in future job interviews, when asked what I did for the last year, I can say, "I gained valuable life skills!" instead of relating the story of how I chipped my tooth with a beer bottle in Uruguay. It's hard to believe, but small details like that can make the difference between being hired to do computer work (what company doesn't like a person with life skills?) and being hired to recruit for a college frat house. I plan to produce a full-colour illustrated guide in the future, but have decided to give my loyal readers an early glimpse at my secrets. Without further ado, the steps are:

1. Get on a moving vehical with something to sell. It doesn't matter what type of vehicle. I've seen this on buses all over South America, and now on a train in China. This technique is effective worldwide.


2. In your loudest possible voice — I'm talking so loud that people will pay you just to shut up — proclaim to the world why what you have in your hand is the best only one-of-a-kind thing being sold anywhere in the world and you'd be a fool not to buy it right here and pass up such a great deal so hand over your money folks and welcome to your new better life.


3. Perform your trick. This is the key part. The salesman on my train was poking holes in socks with tweezers and people seemed to be impressed. Don't ask me why, as putting tweezers through socks doesn't tend to be part of my daily routine. You could probably sell carrots by trying to write with one on a markerboard and showing that the colour doesn't rub off. As long as you do it with gusto it doesn't matter what your trick is.

That's all there is to it. Pass out your product so all the passengers can try writing on windows and chairs too, then go round and collect your fortune.

Here's a hint to get started: while flight attendants sell duty-free on planes, they haven't yet mastered this approach so I consider flights a wide open market. Try it on your next one.